Self-Expression as Self-Love

Displaying your emotions should be part of healthy self-care, not childishness

I find it odd how, as adults, we’re expected to “control our emotions” and not react in certain ways. Our emotions are part of life, they’re a part of what makes us human. Just like sometimes we smile and laugh, sometimes we also cry or get angry. It’s how our bodies tell us something’s wrong. My mom often tells me that negative emotions like sadness, anger and worry and the physical sensations are your body’s warning signs that your thoughts are harming you. Kinda like how we feel pain when we’re injured because it’s how the body tells us something’s wrong and we need care. When I trip and skin my knee (which I’ve done a lot because I’m a clumsy person), someone is always willing to help stop the bleeding, put a bandage on, and pull me up. But when I’m hurt on the inside, the “adult” thing to do is to just ignore it and let it keep bleeding? Even though it hurts?

I’m someone who feels my emotions very deeply. It’s a blessing and a curse. On one hand, being able to feel so deeply makes me a better writer and a very empathetic person. Because I feel so powerfully, when I combine this ability with my vivid imagination, I’m able to envision and understand how person might be thinking and feeling at that moment, or how a character may respond to a situation. Doing so not only fuels my creative writing, but it helps me notice sooner when a loved one is upset, find the best words to comfort them, and figure out what they need to feel better.

On the other hand, my emotions can overwhelm me at times. Anger feels like wrestling a bear. I can feel its wild might and feral ferocity as it grips me in its powerful arms. It sinks its teeth and claws into me and refuses to let go. I have to use all of my strength to keep it back. Most of the time I win, but there are times that the bear gets the better of me. Anxiety is like wandering through a haunted house with a malevolent phantom. Its voice whispers in my ears, telling me all of these terrible things and warning of potential dangers ahead. I try to run from it, but it only gets louder and scarier as it pursues me into a trap. Then it slowly wraps its hands around my throat until I can’t breathe and my heart feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest. And sadness feels like slowly sinking into a dark, cold ocean while tied to an anchor. Watching as the light slowly fades and the surface gradually gets farther away, the darkness and chills enveloping me like an icy cloak. And try as I might, I just keep sinking because it’s so heavy that there’s nowhere to go but down. Pain is like getting stabbed with an invisible sword. There’s that sudden burst as the wound appears, and then it just aches, no matter how much you try to ignore it.

I know my emotions mean well and have a good reason to exist. Anxiety is only trying to keep me safe and plan for the future to prevent danger or harm. Anger is just trying to protect me from being mistreated or abused and make sure I survive. Pain is an alert system that lets me know something hurt me in the past or the present, and reminds me of how deeply I want something I don’t have yet. And sadness is there to allow empathy to exist and to make way for joy. If we don’t know sorrow from the bad times in life, we won’t be able to recognize happiness from life’s good moments. But when they’re ignored or suppressed, they spiral until they grow too powerful, and that’s when they become unhealthy or even dangerous. Anxiety goes from a guardian angel and a helpful planner to a relentless demon that you can hide from, but not escape. Anger transforms from a valiant warrior of justice into a beast that craves violence and destruction. Pain becomes a weapon rather than a reminder or an alert. And sadness becomes a prison rather than just a feeling.

Emotions are necessary for human existence. So why is it so discouraged to express the ones that aren’t positive? I woke up this morning in a bad mood for some reason (I think it may have simply been feeling tired, but I don’t know for sure) but I had to act like I was fine because my parents were around. They’ve scolded or yelled at me in the past for being too emotional. I’ve been told I was “acting like a child” and that the way I was expressing myself was inappropriate. And I didn’t want to go through that again when I was already feeling grumpy so I just kept my mouth shut and made sure to use a somewhat positive tone when I spoke. But later I started wondering why I did that. I suppose it's because it’s one of the ways I’ve been conditioned to mask over my lifetime. My parents probably meant well and this was part of their desire to mold me into someone who could fit into the neurotypical world. But it shouldn’t be that way. I shouldn’t have to pretend I’m fine when I’m not and try to stifle my feelings. That’s not who I am as a person and it’s not healthy. I’ve never been very good at concealing my emotions anyways.

Thankfully, I think more and more people are starting to realize that we need to be free to express our emotions instead of keeping them all bottled up inside. There’s a lot less stigma about going to therapy, which means more people are getting the help they need and are expressing themselves in a place where they won’t be judged. Haunted houses and other fear-based attractions are thriving. Rage rooms are popping up in cities across the US. We’re even starting to make media about how it’s good to embrace our feelings. In the first Frozen movie, Elsa spends many years bottling up her emotions to keep her ice powers under control. But during her iconic song Let It Go, she finally embraces her powers and her feelings, allowing her to see the beauty in them. And Pixar’s Inside Out movies illustrate the purpose of each emotion, why they’re necessary, how they shape us, and the dangers of keeping them contained or only allowing yourself to feel some of them.

But truthfully, I think we’ve always known deep down the value of healthily releasing our feelings. People have been creating art that promotes emotional release for thousands of years - sad songs, tragic plays, horror stories, etc. We just need to remember that and embrace it. Letting out your feelings in a positive, constructive way should be seen as an act of self-love and necessary for one’s health, not as an act of immaturity. Emotional releases are something that should be encouraged. Personally, I’d love to see more places open up that allow people to express the feelings that they have trapped inside. Something like rage rooms but for emotions that don’t quite have outlets yet, like sadness. Maybe something like a room that people can go into and just let themselves cry, and it’s full of pillows and couches and soothing music to make as comfortable and soothing as possible. Heck, even places that grant emotional releases in other ways would be excellent to have more of, like art studios or pottery painting shops! This, I think, would do a lot to help solve the mental health crisis that’s plaguing America right now. Because at the end of the day, we’re not robots and life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows and flowers. Sometimes storms come, and with them come negative emotions, and that’s okay. Flowers need rain too.